I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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