My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
