His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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