STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
