we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
