It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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