Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
