I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
