Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize