There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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