I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
