You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
