Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
