too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
