You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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