we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
