Who wears a wallet chain?!
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
