I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
