Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My dad is sitting where you rode me
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
