I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize