your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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