my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I need moral support for this bender
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
