Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
