small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
