Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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