Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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