I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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