I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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