I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
