Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize