ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
