found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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