And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
This is not my ceiling
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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