yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
