Can Purell be used as lube?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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