Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
