Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
