that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize