he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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