Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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