you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
