Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize