so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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