dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
