i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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