I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
