you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
In America we eat man semen.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
