woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
