I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
