I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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