i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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