Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
