her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
