I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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