Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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