my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
