How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize