Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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