Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
