Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
