I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
