I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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