The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
false alarm, still single
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