i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
