I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
