remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
