If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
