Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
