32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
