Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
